I hang on to the feeling and the blessing too much. When I don’t get the high from a spiritual encounter, I get discouraged. When circumstances are not as abundant or conveniently arranged, my fangs show. Where is my inconsistency coming from?
The still, small voice then asks me, “What are you after? Are you after God’s blessings? Are you obsessed with the emotions, the peace and comfort that are associated with God? Are you after God himself?”
Further, the still, small voice asks, “Are the blessings God himself? Are the emotions, the peace and comfort God himself? How would you recognize that it is God Himself?”
I don’t understand, Still Small Voice. Please explain. (love you.).
And so, Still, Small Voice tells me, “In your relationship with your boyfriend…”
I don’t have a boyfriend, I interrupt Still, Small Voice. But I give in anyway.
“In your relationship with your boyfriend, did you invite him in your life because you were after his money (blessings)? Or are you obsessed only with the feelings you get when you are alone with your boyfriend? Or are you after your boyfriend for who he is, in fortune or failure, and that even when he turns up with bad breath or awful shoes, his presence would be enough for you?”
“Is the money your boyfriend himself? Is the intimacy your boyfriend himself?”
Ah, okay. Long, hard, pregnant, life-changing pause.
Still, Small Voice continues his speech. “Let’s say, you have a long distance relationship with your boyfriend. If he calls you on the phone, how would you recognize that it is him on the other end of the line?”
I know his voice, of course, because we talk every day, and at every opportunity. (I thought you said you don’t have a boyfriend?)
“If you didn’t talk to him often, would you know him deeper, let alone recognize his voice?”
“There you go. Now you know what to do.”
Get a boyfriend?
“No,” says Still, Small Voice, ever patient. “Find out if it’s God or the blessing or the feeling that you’re really after.”